Dum spiro, spero.

Sad day. The day when American way of life was destroyed for ever. When our freedom was violated and our peace was turned upside down. The day when we felt wrath of those who hate us because we are who we are. Free people.
I remember that day very well. I was driving my car in Downtown Chicago. I was on Adams and Wacker Drive at 9:25 am when all of the sudden I saw a lot of people emerging from the Sears Tower. I wondered what they are doing at this time of the morning leaving the building. I turned on the radio in my car and heard the news…
I could not believe it, so I turned around and sped home. When I got there and turned my TV on I had to believe. The picture of smoldering Towers was telling me what happened. I new it was terrorists who attacked America. My America.
I started feeling sick and enraged, I was in shock and did not know what to do. I was sitting in front of my TV set, listened to CNN and other news networks trying to gather as much information as I could. When the news came that Pentagon was attacked and another plane went down in Pennsylvania, I knew we are at war.
All of the sudden skies over my house went quite. I lived in Rogers Park, which is right on the path of the airplanes, which are landing at O’Hare International.
For next two weeks I could not work. I was depressed and physically sick. I was enraged and angry, ready to do all the nasty things to those who represent the people who did it to us. Of course I didn’t do anything stupid. I just hated.
Five years passed and I do not hate anymore, but I still mourn those who perished. I wanted the Towers to be restored, but New Yorkers decided otherwise. Too bad. I hoped we are going to show those who thought they can destroy us that our resilience is enormous and we can overcome our grief, get stronger and move forward.
We moved forward but I am not sure if America is moving in the right direction? Bush administration does all it can to make America being hated in the world.
It is a very sad day today.

I missed American Football. My team I root for, Chicago Bears, is going to be very good this season. Last Sunday they destroyed Green Bay 26-0 and it means they are going to go all the way this year.
I am curious if there is a chance to watch NFL on cable TV in Poland?

I don’t have any children! By now, I suppose to be a grand father and I am not.
Sometimes I am sad when I think about it.
But I did not choose to be gay.
Shit!
Do you hear me!!!
I did not choose to be gay!
It just happened. My anger that I did not become a father and grandfather does not mean I do not accept my homosexuality.
However, I can’t say I am very happy because I had to be gay. I do not believe in any cure either. If you want to know, I used to fight my gayness. When I was about twenty something I had a girlfriend and I had a lot of sex with her and it did not cure my homosexuality. I did not really feel any love for her. I never felt any love for any women.
Shit! I supposed to have children and grandchildren and I don't.