Dum spiro, spero.

My panic attack is gone, for now. Right after I wrote my first note in the morning I took my dogs for a walk. I was shaky and really scared. I felt like something tragic have happened. No, I do not think it was a premonition of the plane crash in Lexington, Kentucky, however my panic attack felt like something really tragic was going to happen. No, I do not think I had any premonition of the tragedy in Lexington. It wasn’t that. I think it could be my sugar level, which all of the sudden went down. I never had such problem but…I can’t explain my feeling any other way.
When I came back home from walking my dogs I ate lunch and later had some very sweet jelly and watched F-1 car race on TV lying on my bed, petting my dogs.
I finally calmed down but now I feel tired.
I did not give in and did not drink alcohol or smoke any cigarettes.

I walk up with incredible anxiety. Since then I am feeling like a doomed man. I do not know why I have such feeling of upcoming doom?
I am scared of something and I do not know what it is.
Am I going insane or perhaps it is depravation of nicotine, which makes me feel so bad?
I have no idea?
I am almost shaking. But for goodness sake I quit smoking about 2 months ago and did not feel any withdraw symptoms until today.
What is going on?
In fact I am feeling like getting a cigarette now and taking a big gulp of vodka. I know I can’t do it for I am taking my meds and alcohol is big no, no at this time.
Perhaps cigarette would help me?
But I do not want to smoke either. My anxiety is very strong.
What’s going on?