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Posts archive for: 2 August, 2006
  • He shines again.

    IM001092
    Should I say I knew it?
    I knew Andreas will be back and he is.
    Today I went to see him in his place, after short conversation on GG and his complains about not feeling well. Despite the fact that I don’t like his place because it is small, and in the basement. It is such small a place I hate it.
    When I got there he welcomed me and offered coffee. I accepted and ended up drinking three cups. We talked a bit about his health situation, which does not look promising. I did not want to stay there for too long and we decided to go to the Production Company WFDiF, which is located near his apartment building. The movie and TV production company can be described as something like Polish Hollywood in the middle of Warsaw. There are production offices of many studios and agencies there, which I thought would be helpful to me.
    We went there, none of it was helpful. I got one telephone number and one business card. Better this than nothing. Of course girls who were sitting at the agencies told me that their lists are closed and they do not accept anymore actors.
    That’s the example how stupid show business people can be.
    We left the place and went over my house where I made a very nice dinner. Juicy steak with the sauce of my own recipe, boiled, not baked potatoes, and cucumbers. Andreas loved it so did I. I have one more portion of the meat left for tomorrow. I do not have any wine though and won’t be able to make my sauce.
    No money honey.
    I don’t care.
    Anyway, we ate our dinner and when we finished and I washed the dishes Andreas decided to fix a leak in my kitchen sink. He has hands made of gold when it comes to such repairs.
    Of course he fixed it and he told me afterwards that he loves to do things like that. It relaxes him.
    Oh my God!
    I want him to be with me for ever! I know how to cook, he loves my cooking and he knows how to fix things including the cars…We are made for each other.
    Mentally we are good for each other too. What is different and not so different is that we do like to have sex with younger guys. Well, he suits me well in this department too, after all he is only 25 years old, but I do not suit him. I told him he could have as many young guys as he wants. He can have any 18-teen or 20 years old boob anytime and I won’t get jealous. It is only a meaningless sex.
    It didn’t look like I was pushing the issue down his throat. I just told him and described it to him so he could see it.

    I am OK with the situation we got right now as long as it is as it is, calm and friendly on my side, and sometimes nutty on his side. I understand his needs to be a nut from time to time and his antics, although sometime seem to be a bit too much to take, I am able to tolerate and deal with. I told him about it and he laughed.

    When he fixed my kitchen sink he decided to put my plant into a new pot. I did not have any soil for a plant so he took my dogs and went downstairs to the garden to dig some of it and bring it upstairs. I cleaned the pot and after few moments he was back with whole bag of soil. Some old lady screamed at him when she saw him digging it and putting it away into a plastic shopping bag. He told her to shut up. I laughed because when he described the lady to me I recognized an old witch from the house next door, which does nothing but spies on her neighbors.
    He fixed the plant and few minutes later decided to bathe my dog Gina which smelled badly from some crap she picked up on her coat from the garden.
    I was getting tired. This boy is tireless. He bathed Gina, dried her with dirty bed linen and let her out of the bathroom.
    I went to bed. We watched television for a while, or should I say I tried to watch it and he tried to make me laugh telling me about the idea to put a laxative in a beer of one of guys we do not like.
    At about 9:45 pm he left. He needed to take his medication, which was in his house. Of course I understand it and bid him good bye together with a big kiss.
    I told him that I love him.
    Why not?
    I do.

  • Middle age blindness.

    Oh dear!
    It happened again. A middle age gay guy found himself a young gay boy of 19 and bought him with his money and promises of help. A young boy of 19-teen is not stupid and having a nature of a little whore, and being from a small town somewhere in northern Poland, having no other alternative there chose the middle age gay man whom he is expecting to milk of money for sex.
    The middle age gay man is fat, short, not far away from being totally ugly. The boy is tall, slim, young, in other words beautiful and ready to use “the old man”. How many situations like this I have seen in Warsaw since I arrived here? Well, I have seen many of them I can’t exactly say how many.
    These liaisons usually end abruptly with bitterness on both sides.

    The middle age man about whom I am writing is stubborn and keeps bringing in to his life young kids of 18-20 years of age and even bit older, for his last guy was 31 years old, and keeps them, feeds them, gives them gifts. In other words buys them in exchange for sex and company. Well, I do not know for sure if this is the case in this instance, but how can I describe a man who often brings new young guys to his life and he finds them almost on the streets. Those guys go around; keep popping up at different places of different gay middle age men. They just change their keepers. The one Tom picked up three days ago has already been kept by Mark. All of it lasted for a week but I have met him there…
    Gasti kicked his butt for infidelity or was it the other way around?
    Does it matter?
    Anyway, Paul (19 y/o) is now with Tom (47 y/o) who few days ago were with Primo (32 y/o) but kicked his ass out for alleged laziness and lack of will to find a job…And Primo states that Tom found “younger ass” and kicked him out for that reason.
    Primo, allegedly, robbed Tom while leaving his house…It is not first time when Tom is being burglarized by his former boyfriend.
    Primo wrote me a letter in which he states that laptop computer he is accused of stealing has been given to him by Tom. But Tom alleges that Primo stole from him aforementioned laptop and additional stuff, like some gold jewelry and 120 euro. This is very serious accusation, which I believe, because Primo is a convicted criminal, with the suspended sentence for burglary…
    Surprised, surprised…Why middle age gay men are so desperate and do such stupid things?
    I would never bring to my house a kid of 19 or 20 years old, uneducated high school dropout who practically does not do anything with his life and leaches off middle age desperate gay men. The intentions of these boys are written on their faces. If it were I, I would not know what to do with him besides having sex? I would not have anything in common with him besides that and since sex is just sex and does not last for more than an hour, at best I would not know what to do with such guy for the rest of the day. Not mentioning the rest of my life.
    A high school dropout in my house with no prospects and will to better himself is one scary idea.
    Why than the middle age gay guys with money chose to do these deplorable things?
    I have no idea and I guess I won’t have the answer to this question soon.

  • Death becomes...

    Pig it out

    How many times she stood at my bed? At least she was there three times, or perhaps more than this, but as far as I know she was at my bed three times. Once in April of 1994 when I refused to wake up after appendectomy and clinically died for at least 20 minutes. I know I was dead. I was on the other side then.
    Second time she came to my bed when I got intestinal blockage. And third time when I got MRSA with my immune system down to ZERO and viral load 175.000.
    Why didn’t she take me then? Was it because I ignored her?
    It is sort of stupid to write about my death experience with a smile on my face. No, not because I survived but because I know that death does not look scary. May be I smile right now because I know I was fighting with the help of the people who surrounded me and they wanted me to win.
    Here in Poland I am afraid of death. Perhaps because in Poland my experience with death would be different. Because when she comes to me she will have an easy task to snatch me from among the living because I do not believe Polish doctors and nurses would want me to live. I do not trust doctors and nurses here.

    When I fight Death I do fight using the power of others and trust in them. Apparently Death doesn’t like it. In America I trusted my doctors and my nurses in the hospital. I knew they want me to live and I completely ignored the seriousness of my situation. Well, except for the one time when having bowel obstruction I was in terrible unbearable pain and I cried and screamed for hours before Dr. Cohen cut me open and removed the blockage. I did not think about death even when I was in enormous pain and although she was very close and almost snatched me away I slipped out of her hands again and started breathing on my own.

    When I was writing these words above my Raphael called from Chicago. This boy is like anathema for me. I love him and as my son he knows he can tell me everything. We talked for almost two hours. I was surprised he did not call while being drunk and I expressed my appreciation for him being sober. He told me that he quit drinking because he took up deep sea diving. In spite of this change not much more changed in his life. The bottom line is that he is not made for America. He is too soft, too boyish. I know how much he wants to be macho, but he isn’t.
    His softness shows all the time. He has no steady job since I can remember. It is about 3 years counting from today. Oh well, I do not want to talk about him at all. I love him, I told him that, I also told him that I wish him well and I begged him to go and find a job.

    I did not finish writing about my relationship with Death and I won’t finish writing about her at this time.

    Raphael told me that Martin got his 4th DUI in Chicago. This time he is finished for good. I can’t understand how he can be so reckless. He knew he has three DUIs already and he had breathalyzer in his car in order to drive it. How in the world could he start his car if he was drunk? Now he is in deep shit all the way up to his nose.
    He may even go to jail for this kind of offense.
    Stupidity of this guy is enormous. He is another example of the guy who should not come to America. He had everything in Poland. He was a student in one of the best film schools in the world and he quit it to go to USA because he won a green card. He is an idiot!!! He is paying for his idiocy now. I liked him but now I am rather disgusted by his stupidity.
    It is 3 am right now and I am tired. I must go to bed.

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